Revelation
by Nymphadora
Summary: Elena struggles with the reasons she shouldn't love Damon.
1. Chapter 1

Elena was still off-balance from everything that had happened the previous night. Stefan was gone, and it was very likely that he'd never be the person she'd loved again. Surprisingly, that wasn't what had her so shaken. She had had something of a revelation over the past six months. Nothing could change the fact that Stefan had been her first true love; he would forever own a piece of her heart. That didn't bother her so much anymore. Stefan was free, he could have chosen to come back to her, but he hadn't. For whatever reason, he hadn't. Stefan, the Stefan she'd loved so deeply, was not coming back. Elena had meant it when she'd said she wouldn't love a ghost.

Damon's eyes had expressed a sense of recognition when she'd told him she was ready to let his brother go. It was a breakthrough for them. He had seemed so full of hurt and worry and fear that she might still not want to be with him. It was true that she had her doubts. A relationship with Damon would be difficult and tumultuous. It wouldn't be gentle and sensitive. He wouldn't coddle her. That was a little scary for her. She was used to being the dynamic force in relationships. Matt and Stefan had both been tender and sweet, and had always let her take the lead. Damon possessed these qualities, but not in excess, and he rarely let her be in charge of the decision-making. She knew that was because her decisions were even more impulsive and dangerous that his own most of the time. He didn't do it because he wanted to control her. He desperately wanted to protect her. He loved her. Sometimes Elena thought he loved her more that Stefan ever had. This possibility was both comforting and terrifying. Stefan had been a warm breeze. Damon was a blazing inferno of raw emotion that constantly threatened to consume her.

When Caroline had accused her of being attracted to him, she had told the truth…sort of. She was afraid of being more like Katherine. She was afraid of loving Damon, and admitting it would make it impossible to go back. She had been pushing back so many feelings that she knew opening the floodgates would unleash something she wasn't sure she was ready to face. If she let the thought in, truly let it in, there would be no escape from the truth. The truth was that Damon had started to get under her skin a long time ago. It would be ridiculous to say that she hadn't been attracted to him from the moment she saw him. Even her Aunt Jenna had been attracted to him. Matt's mom had almost slept with him (which was a little creepy if she was honest). He was insanely hot, and irresistibly charming. That was a simple truth. Every woman on the planet was attracted to Damon, Elena included. She may have told him repeatedly to stop flirting with her, but they both knew how her heart fluttered when he did. That was why he kept doing it.

The issue was not whether she found him appealing. It was that she wasn't sure if she was brave enough to love him the way he deserved to be loved. He had been broken for a century and a half. He had become her best friend. She didn't want to hurt him the way Katherine had, because she knew it would destroy him forever. Damon was barely clinging to his desire for his humanity. Elena knew that she was a major part of why he'd come this far. If she kept him waiting too long, she worried he might lose hope completely. She realized at that moment how much she didn't want to lose him. He was her protector, her confidant, her partner. He was the first person she called when she was happy or sad, excited or afraid. Against her will, the thought had snuck in last night. When she told him they would let Stefan go, held his face between her hands, the firelight dancing over his skin, she had thought it. _I could be in love with him._


	2. Chapter 2

After hours of inner turmoil, Elena had come to terms with her feelings enough to know that she needed to talk to someone. She just didn't know how it would go. She reached into her back pocket for her phone, sweeping her hair away from her ear as she dialed. Caroline didn't answer. Cursing silently, Elena walked up the stairs to her room, bitter that she had wasted the courage. She exhaled loudly as she turned the doorknob.

"What's going on?" Elena spun to see her brother standing just outside his bedroom door. She shook her head.

"Nothing, Jer. Just tired." She lied as smoothly as she could. It obviously didn't work because he had come closer, looking concerned.

"Is it about Stefan?" He asked gently, with that wounded, soulful look that he wore most of the time. She'd promised not to lie to him.

"No. It's… something else. I'm just a little messed up, and Caroline's not picking up. Girl stuff." Elena really hoped he would drop it. She didn't know if Jeremy was the person to talk about this with.

"Whatever, Elena. You never have "girl stuff" like that. If you're upset, it's usually legit. What's up? You can talk to me, you know. I'm pretty good at this after being stalked by my dead exes." His attempt at levity surprised her. She knew how torn up he was about Anna. She felt a small smile tug at her lips.

"Fine, come on in, but no judging me for this ok? I promise, I can't help it." Jeremy nodded, sitting in her desk chair while she tucked her legs up under her on her bed. She wasn't really sure how to tell her brother that she wanted to start dating the guy who had tried to kill him. He was looking at her expectantly. _Well, may as well just get it over with_. "I'm in love with Damon, Jer." His eyes widened for a second, but he didn't look upset. He shifted in his chair and looked back at her. He spoke calmly.

"Ok. I thought you guys had something going on. I didn't know it was that intense-at least not on your end. So…what're you going to do?" This was exactly the answer she didn't have.

"No idea. It's just so complicated. He's Stefan's brother. Even though I don't want him anymore, it still makes me feel like I'm doing the same thing Katherine did. And, Damon and I…we're close. I know how much of an ass he is sometimes, but he's just really messed up inside. Underneath all that bullshit, he's actually a decent person. He's my best friend." Jeremy nodded again.

"I get that. That's how I felt about Anna. Even though she did a lot of stuff that should've made me want to leave, I guess I always knew what was under the surface." Elena knew it was hard for him to talk about her, especially with Bonnie being so hurt by it. "I guess what you need to decide is, do you want to be with him? The only way you're going to be like her is if you're not honest about it." He was right, of course. Elena looked at her brother, a twinge of pride in her chest. He'd grown up so much.

"I do want to be with him, but it scares the hell out of me. He drives me nuts, but I don't know…it just feels right." Jeremy coughed out a laugh.

"After everything you've been through, all the shit that's tried to kill you, and you're afraid of Damon?" He shook his head, smiling. It was so rare that she couldn't help but smile back. "Elena, the guy tries to die for you once a week. At least give him some perks." Elena's jaw dropped open. She grabbed her pillow and threw it at him. Jeremy laughed. "Seriously, though. All broken necks aside, I think he's good for you; maybe not for the rest of the world…but he's good for you."

"Thanks, Jer." She stood, giving her brother a one-armed hug as he walked to the door. So that was it. She would tell him how she felt. She would do it tonight, before she lost her nerve.

Elena took a shower, being extra-careful not to miss a spot while shaving. She washed her face twice. The panic didn't subside as she dried and straightened her hair. Her hands shook as she put on her makeup. Still in her towel, she tried to decide what she would wear. She had never been insecure about her appearance, but she was tonight. This was Damon. He'd been with hundreds of women, possibly thousands, if the past year had been anything like the last hundred and fifty. She walked to her dresser, digging through her underwear drawer. She smirked as she found the red boy shorts Damon had told her to put in the "yes pile". She had a bra that matched. She never wore it, because it was really uncomfortable, but she would make an exception. A voice in her head that sounded a lot like Bonnie's cut through her thoughts. _Are you seriously planning to go to bed with him that fast, Elena?_ She thought about it, wishing she could say that she wouldn't. She honestly didn't know, but she would be prepared. She turned to go to her closet, jumping as she saw a figure sitting on her bed.

"Caroline. You scared the crap out of me. What are you doing here?"

"I got your call. You didn't leave a message, so I wanted to make sure you were okay." Elena put on a smile.

"Oh. Yeah. I just wanted to talk." She didn't know if she could do this again. Caroline glanced at the lingerie in her hand.

"You're going to him, aren't you?" She wasn't going to lie to her, so she took a breath to steady herself.

"Yeah." A shadow crossed Caroline's face.

"What happened to 'It'll always be Stefan'?" She asked softly, trying to mask the disapproval in her voice.

"I don't know. I'm not sure when it changed. That guy's gone, though, Caroline. Stefan is gone." Caroline's eyebrows knit together slightly.

"That doesn't mean you jump into bed with his brother, Elena! That's not who you are. You don't do meaningless sex." Caroline was looking at her like she had grown an extra head.

"No, I don't. And I don't even know anything will happen. I'm going to tell him I love him, Care." Elena watched Caroline's face. She wasn't sure how she'd take this new development.

"Wait, you _love_ him now? We need to get you on more vervain. He must be messing with your head. You didn't even want to admit you were attracted to him. How can you be in love with him?" Elena felt a wave of protectiveness wash over her. She didn't like the insinuation that he wasn't worthy of her, even from someone who was justified to think it.

"He didn't compel me, Caroline. I've been falling for him for awhile now; I just…didn't want to admit it. I know he was awful to you. I know. But…I can't change the way I feel. I love him, Care, so much. I need him to know that." Caroline's face softened.

"As much as Stefan?" Elena met her eyes.

"I think so, yeah. It's different from Stefan. I loved Stefan before I really knew him. I had to know Damon first...and I think I might love him more. I don't know." She was glad to see most of the anger gone from Caroline's face.

"Wow. Alright then. Just be careful, ok?" Elena nodded. "And never wear yellow."

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Thanks for the awesome reviews, alerts, and faves. I'm not sure how long this fic will be (no more than a few more chapters), but I hope you all enjoy it.


	3. Chapter 3

Damon, for all of his unpredictability, was a creature of habit. Elena smiled as she let herself into the boarding house, her nerves disappearing for a moment as she saw him sitting in front of the fire, bourbon in hand. His right foot was resting on his left knee, tapping faintly to the rhythm of the music that played in the background. It was some form of symphonic metal. Damon had weird taste in music. She approached him as always, the quiet familiarity warming her heart. She noticed that his eyes had the same haunted, broken look they had had after the failed attempt to kill Klaus. He wasn't angry, he had been comforted by the knowledge that Elena didn't blame him or cling to any delusions of Stefan returning. She had seen the effect of that immediately. However, when he met her eyes, she saw that his held unanswered questions. It was time for her to put them to rest for good.

"Hey." She said, trying to break the ice. She gave him a reassuring smile, sitting next to him on the couch, nestling under his already outstretched arm. This was normal. They were best friends…who cuddled. It was a little hard for Elena to believe that she'd deluded herself into thinking there was anything innocent and platonic about what was between them. The position wasn't sexual, but the tension was absolutely palpable. This had been a long time brewing. "How're you holding up?" she tried gently. He took a long drink from his glass before he spoke.

"Did you mean what you said last night, about letting him go?" Elena's stomach clenched. This was classic, straight-to-the-point Damon. She had, foolishly, been hoping for a chance to warm up before taking the plunge. Oh well.

"Yeah, Damon, I did. I can't wait for him anymore. Even if he does come back, _he's_ not coming back. I'm tired of chasing shadows. I can't ever trust him to be the person I thought he was." Damon's clear blue eyes flickered with hope. She loved his eyes. He could convey volumes of information without speaking, just by looking at her with those strangely expressive eyes. He was so beautiful in this dim, dancing light. She felt the all-too-familiar pull that came with the look he gave her. Elena desperately wanted to entwine her fingers in his dark, tousled hair and crash his lips to her own. She held back. This could not be about desperation. He had to know that she had thought about her decision, that she was serious about him. Damon looked away, obviously trying to control his own emotions. He broke the weighty silence with a ghost of a smirk.

"So, what should we do now that we have all this free time? I should warn you, I don't bowl." Elena smiled, enjoying the fact that she didn't have to feign annoyance. Damon's smirk widened with her encouragement. This was her opportunity to shift the conversation in one of two directions. She could slip into their customary, friendly banter. Or…she could work up the courage to do what she'd come here to do. It was a very odd feeling, being this nervous. She had never been uncomfortable telling anyone exactly what was on her mind. She felt a wave of fear wash over her and plucked his drink out of his hand, finishing it off in one gulp. He raised an eyebrow at her, but didn't speak.

"That's what I was hoping we could talk about." She watched as the playfulness on his face froze into a combination of anxiousness and resolution. He thought she was going to push him away. She set the glass she was still holding on the end table and reached for his hand. She knew the action was still ambiguous. He had no way of knowing if it was out of comfort or affection. "I owe you an apology. I've been lying to you." Damon's expression was so subtle that she knew no one else would see the meaning behind it. There was something like betrayal growing in his eyes. Shifting her body slightly, she turned to face him more fully, careful not to lose contact with the arm that was still around her. He shook his head suddenly.

"Elena, it's fine. I know things won't be like they have been. We were working toward a common goal. I'll still be here to protect you, but I don't expect you to keep this up. It's not like I've gone completely sappy. I'll survive, I promise." She could see the lie on every inch of his skin. It was the first time that Elena wondered if he knew how much she'd valued his friendship since he'd been cured of his werewolf bite. She'd thought he knew better where he stood with her.

"That's not what I meant, Damon." She spoke calmly, squeezing his hand. He kept his guard up, but allowed his curiosity to show. Elena's internal state didn't match the collected exterior. She felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest, and she was starting to get a bit queasy. He had to have been able to hear it. She was surprised he could understand what she was saying past the pounding. Elena wondered that he hadn't figured it out yet. He was so cocky about their mutual attraction most of the time. Tonight was the most somber she'd ever seen him.

"What do you mean, then? What haven't you told me? Wait…Elena…tell me you didn't make another stupid, fucking bargain. Come on!" She almost laughed at his sudden outburst. She held it back, then it slipped, and she actually did laugh. Damon was looking at her like she was insane, which made it worse. Once she'd regained composure, she made eye contact, giving herself over to the rush of affection she felt.

"No. This has nothing to do with Klaus, or Stefan, or anyone but you and me." He suddenly understood the direction she was heading. Elena watched as his eyebrows rose slightly. "I wanted to pretend that you were wrong about everything. I was, I still am terrified by what this means for us. Damon, did you mean what you said before I…when you were sick?" A touch of his usual roguish spark returned to him at her obvious nervousness.

"Before you kissed me?" His wolfish grin melted her resistance, and made her (if possible) even more anxious.

"Yeah, then." He was baiting her. She could feel herself being backed against a wall as the power shifted in the room.

"Of course. You would have _loved _me in 1864." He waggled his eyebrows at her and fixed her with a smoldering stare. She needed to turn the tables without giving in to his teasing, and he had set it up wonderfully for her.

"I love you now. Just the way you are." He dropped his comedic mask, searching her face to see if she knew what she had said. She reached a traitorously shaky hand up to touch his face. "I'm in love with you, Damon. I can't chase Stefan anymore because I can't deny my feelings for _you_." He was staring at her_._ He didn't move.

"Wha…what did you say, Elena?" Damon looked like a dog on a leash, unable to close the distance between them. Elena smiled.

"I was an idiot. I'm in love with you, Damon… and I just want to be with you." Elena watched him for a moment, the silence suffocating her. "Please say somethi-." Damon responded by wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her onto his lap before she could finish her sentence. He moved a hand to the back of her head and gently urged her toward him. When there were mere inches between them, he met her eyes tenderly and whispered through his ragged breaths.

"I meant it, Elena. I love you too." She quickly closed the gap dividing them, pouring all she could into their second real kiss, filling it with promises for a future that their first couldn't have afforded. They had begun with what they thought was an end, but as they finally allowed their passion to consume them, they began to truly hope for a future.

So….? What do we think? I wanted to keep it rated "T" so that it wouldn't become more about their first time being intimate than it was about the declarations and mushy gushy stuff. ;) I'm a sucker for the mushy gushy stuff. Thanks to all of you who read, faved, alerted, and reviewed. It means a lot. I love reviews, so please leave them. :D


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